One Born Every Minute...

Wondering if anyone is watching this "fly on the wall" series on SBS Tuesday nights, set in a UK hospital labour ward? I've been glued to it in fascination... but I have to admit that I'm not always loving what I see. The stories that were told in the first two episodes were... how shall I say... enough to mute your biological clock or perhaps even provide reason for contraception! I watched through the cracks between my fingers as these women writhed in agony, fighting hard against the process, instead of tuning into their bodies & going with it. Their anxiety fed their pain, their pain fed their anxiety... until this vicious cycle spiralled out of control, often snowballing toward medical intervention. If this is what birth is "really like", I imagine all the first-time pregnant women watching would be fostering some serious pangs of anxiety right about now...

Perhaps the most cringe-worthy part of it was the total lack of support that some of these women received from their birth partners. One particular husband was actually laughing at his wife as she struggled in pain, mocking her for choosing a natural birth. Their teenage son was also in the room & the two of them were having a lovely time exchanging wicked glances & private jokes in an attempt to alleviate their obvious boredom... hardly conducive to a sacred experience, the poor woman!!! It's no wonder she couldn't cope and required some help in the end.

Things were looking up when they finally told a positive normal (intervention free) birth story this week, where a woman had a quick & easy waterbirth. The difference between her & all the other women was profound & abundantly clear- she was very calm throughout, & rather than focusing on pain or anything negative that she was going through, she turned her focus within- appearing to go into a 'zone' during her labour. The fact that she then had a positive experience is no coincidence. The midwife even commented that in all her experience, the women she sees who cope well in labour are always very "stoic" - which my trusty Pocket Macquarie dictionary defines as "someone who is mentally strong, patient & uncomplaining"... such helpful qualities to have whilst in labour!

So after listening to my post-show rantings this week about "why don't they show more of these positive stories?!" & "how come the other ones got so much more airtime?!?!" my hubby David made a very simple & valid observation. "The dramatic stories make for much more interesting viewing". Hmmm... well ok... I guess I have to concur... uncomplaining, patient women in a zone aren't so watchable or entertaining. I should know this, being an actor. Conflict makes drama. Drama makes ratings. But our positive, 'stoic' birth stories really need to get out there too & become part of a collective consciousness. Birth should not be scary. The media in general certainly has a lot to answer for in their predictable portrayal of childbirth as being overly painful & traumatic.

Anyways I shall just have to hope that more inspiring stories will be told in this series... & that the other stories aren't fuelling the fear too much!

Beautiful Beginnings...

This is me with my baby brother... poor little guy was almost smothered with love! I was only just two at the time, but I still remember doting on him & nagging my Mum non-stop to have more babies (sorry Mum!). When she was pregnant with my little sister a few years later I remember watching her belly grow with fascination & excitement... I wanted one in my tummy too! When she disappeared for a few days and came back with a baby, I imagined that she had gone off to the most wonderful place where the most magical things happen! (MUCH better than Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory ;-) In my mind the whole process was the most normal, natural & exciting thing in the world.

So since I was a very young child my love & adoration of everything to do with babies, pregnancy, birth & motherhood has been a big part of me, and I'm sure it is no coincidence that I've had two wonderful birth experiences... in fact I have come to realise (through talking to many mothers about their birth experiences) that there really is a correlation between enthusiasm/confidence for birth & positive birth experiences; and fear/dread of birth & not-so-positive birth experiences.

By the way I should clarify that I think childbirth is always a positive experience in the sense that the arrival of each & every precious baby is something to be celebrated & thankful for... I actually refer to a 'positive birth experience' here as being one where the birthing Mum is respected & supported, where she is able to relax, tune into her body, let it do what it was so magnificently designed to do... and cherish the whole experience from beginning to end in a stress-free environment. I believe this is every woman's basic right... & I wish we didn't have to fight so hard for it!

Why "Cherish" ?

1. to hold or treat (something) as dear;
2. to care for tenderly; nurture

I have cherished my children from the moment that I knew of their existence, when they were only a tiny little cluster of cells.

I loved being pregnant... even the nausea made me excited, because it meant that my baby was making his/her presence known! (we were bonding from the very beginning), and it was also a sure sign that my body was doing its amazing job of creating, nurturing, protecting, and 'building' a little person- just as it was so magnificently designed to do. I felt privileged to own this experience, and I cherished every second of it.

After eagerly anticipating the birth of my babies, I cherished every moment of their arrival. I think this word is so appropriate here because it really helps to depict the calm, internal focus that I maintained during my labours, as I nurtured my babies through the birth process (which can't be the most comfortable journey for them either!). It was such an intuitive, sacred rite of passage for us both. When it was over I wished I could go back in time and do it all again... sounds crazy I know... but true! I'm sure my midwife didn't believe me when I told her that my post-birth tears (which she tried to convince me were the 'baby blues') were actually because I was sad it was all over! (compounded of course with tears of happiness as I enjoyed my much-anticipated first cuddle... such an emotional time!)

I now cherish the precious memories of my babies births... I think I have re-read the scripts in my mind about a thousand million times.

So I can't think of any other word that is more nurturing or loving, or has more depth of feeling than the word 'cherish'... our precious children deserve nothing less! :-)